I Wanted to Believe

For the most part I am not someone who yearns to relive their past. While I feel it is only human to regret certain decisions one has made and intermittently wish you had done something differently, I generally accept my past is the past and am comfortable with it. As I get older it becomes difficult, in some cases impossible, to keep up the pace I used to rotate on: I can’t drink as much as I once could, I can’t stay up as late as I used to, I don’t attend as many parties, etc. I look back upon the days when I could with fondness because I did so; I took full advantage of my late teens and all of my twenties. Furthermore, I am content with the pace I am still able to keep today, because I’m not done yet – You get the point: I typically do not long for my youth.

Therein lies the baseline problem with the resurgence of TV shows and movies from decades ago that I watched. They are not about moving forward and seeing what has become of your heroes and villains, but rather a repeat of stories, phrases and jokes as if you forgot. The entertainment business is so out of ideas they need to pull from the back stock, and sell stale sustenance to an aging audience with the misguided belief things can be as good as they were back then. They do so because there IS an audience out there who will applaud the limp rehashing of their youth being spoon-fed to them like children. We all admire the free lives of babies, I suppose. Even with all this animosity in me, at the end of the day I let it go because it, like every other passing moment, is not worth clutching onto. What I mean is, I still get mad over long-awaited-no-longer-necessary sequels, but it is because I find them a waste of time and money that could be better spent elsewhere in this suffering world. This is where the X-Files miniseries Fox just aired differs.

The nonsensical plot and off pacing notwithstanding – even though yes, I could write another full blog about that garbage – this miniseries DID make me yearn for the days when the original X-Files was being aired. I spent those six episodes devoting more time to self-pity than I have in the past six years (more than six years). I spent the time thinking shit like “I wish I was 13 again.” Instead of this X-files “event” satisfying some long neglected craving of mine for new spooky stories and conspiracy fiction, it made me feel old and ossified. Perhaps network television and mainstream film studios have found a way to push down generation X into feeling old and withered just so they can roll-out a new line of products to make that feeling go away (Hello, conspiracy fiction). Or maybe this particular callback simply hit too close to home for me. When all is said and done, the realistic and absurd alike having their time, The X-Files miniseries made me feel depressed about getting older, and made me scared there is nothing to look forward to. That is something I cannot let go at the end of the night; anything that makes me upset about what is the natural development of all life of this planet does not earn my approval or tolerance.

Clearly this miniseries was an onramp for a third X-Files feature film, or at least further extension of the TV series (one way or another). Whatever comes next, I will have no part of it. As far as I care, the X-Files were closed at the end of season 5 and the story was concluded by the film referred to as “Fight the Future.” Yes, it’s a TV show; just one I felt an affinity for because of my curious nature, the sleepless part of my mind that is always searching for answers beyond the shackles of what we are told is the Truth. But let’s face it, I won’t lose any sleep over this, no one should. But where is the fun in life without a little bitching now and again.

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